How do I handle the change in family dynamics. What if I have a history of disfunction in my family? Relationships are Important!
Having had the pleasure of being a Care partner to a person Living with Dementia, I truly know it is hard and most people don’t have any idea how hard until they themselves are caring for a person living with Alzheimer’s or other dementia. It can be a constant guessing game in figuring out what keeps the person comfortable and content. This is especially true if they have trouble speaking or living with Asphasia.
It’s understandable that you are frustrated, tired and at your wits end sometimes.
Your relationship with your loved one is valuable and one that can easily suffer when this disease strikes. Becoming confident in recognizing the brain changes your loved one may experience could ease this burden.
As a Care partner we have so many duties to complete it is easy to get caught up in our Agenda for the day of what we wish to accomplish with our Caree. We can totally forget we are caring for a “person”, a human being, not a “thing” to be dealt with. A person having brain change is still an individual and unique person with emotions and feelings.
Sometime those “feelings” come across as angry, agitated, frustrated, anxious and lashing out when we are trying to help them. This type of behavior can be scary and confusing, as a Care partner you want to help but everything you do is just making it worse. Learning about what could be causing this behavior could be the one thing you do to change things.
What do you do when challenging behaviors happen? You may ask if medication is the right answer. I share what I’ve found to be a better way.
Before responding to a situation, you take a pause, step back, look at the situation again and try a different approach. That something “different” could provide positive results for everyone involved.
Are you going to be that Care partner? Are you willing to invest in your relationship?
Take a month and become a “friend” to the person you are caring for. During this time it’s important to let your agenda go. If possible, don’t plan any appointments for the pLwd this month. You will want to focus on just being “present” with them in some activity you can do together.
Watch a movie
work on a puzzle (this can be on going until completion)
take a walk
bake something simple
look at photo albums
let them talk about their up bringing (let them lead with what they remember) and let the conversation flow from there. It is important NOT to say “do you remember”, because they probably don’t. This takes a conscious effort on your part so be alert to how you are responding to them. Sometimes it can be as simple as smiling at them and nodding in understanding that will make them feel heard and respected.
When you repeat what they just said to you, it helps them feel heard (this is true for anyone really). For example: Mom says “I grew up on a farm and liked the garden”. You would respond with “on the farm you liked to work in the garden?”. This can open a whole new conversation about what she would plant in her garden, how did she enrich the soil, how did she deal with weeds, etc.
Can you see how this would also help with repeated statements? The more you know about the Person, the more opportunities you have for different conversations and relationship building.
**dementia has 100’s of causes and each one has a particular way it affects the brain. It is important to receive a proper diagnosis of the primary cause of dementia. Dementia is NOT a diagnosis.
