What does “Showtime” mean?
Have you heard this term? If you are a Care partner to a person Living with dementia I bet you’ve seen this behavior.
In the early period of dementia, before symptoms are obvious to everyone you may experience frustration when you visit the Doctor with your loved one you are caring for to discuss the symptoms you’ve witnessed at home with them only to find that they are cognitive enough to carry on a simple conversation with the Doctor.
You’ve struggled that morning to get them out of bed, cleaned up, to eat something and then get in the car. Not to mention you’ve had to repeat yourself all morning when they keep asking “Where are we going?” or “Why do I have to go to the Doctor'“? You finally make it to the Doctors office only to have them have a spark of a moment and answer all the Doctors questions fluently and intelligently, smiling the whole time. You leave the Doctors office frustrated that still no one sees what you see and you can’t get the support you need. It even happens when friends visit or your family calls them and they have such wonderful conversations your siblings tell you they don’t see anything wrong, maybe you are just imagining things and you are the one with the problem.
In a certain state of dementia the person living with it may know something is wrong and the last thing they want is for it to show to other people outside the family. They are able to use what’s called “rhythm” or the “chit chat” memory they still maintain. It allows them to carry on a brief friendly conversation such as “How do you feel”? “fine” . “Are you eating ok?” “yes”. They can maintain eye contact and smile the whole time, but only for a short time. When the chit chat runs out they will repeat themselves, by then you’ve probably left the Doctors office or the phone call has ended so the others don’t see or hear what you do.
This can cause serious issues within the family as the condition progresses and symptoms can no longer be denied. It is known that early diagnosis benefits not only the person (patient) but the family as well. Some new medications are only effective when prescribed in early detection. Early diagnosis also allows the Patient to make legal decisions while they have mental capacity and save the family the stress of not knowing their wishes or what financial decisions are the right ones.
One idea comes highly recommended and that is keeping a Journal. You may want to keep two. One for symptoms you see and the second for how it made you feel.
I know you are thinking “When would I have time for that?”. Could you use the first 15 minutes of your respite time? You are taking some respite time for yourself right? I truly hope so. This is important for you both. Could you use some of that time to journal the symptoms you are seeing so you have it to share later on when others begin to see them too?
When you write out how it is making you feel in the second journal it helps to just “get it out” of your head. I’m told this is therapeutic, especially if your circle of friends and family aren’t supportive or simply don’t understand or are in denial. It also provides you something to look back on to recognize what worked with the person Living with dementia in a certain situation and try it again or what didn’t work and try something else.
The person Living with dementia is doing all they can with what they have left, they are going to change there is no way to stop that. The good thing is we CAN change.
Learning to recognize brain change is a sure way to empower yourself to be able to respond and not react to challenging behaviors. If you would like to learn more, have questions or need support I offer a Free consultation to discuss your options. Stay well and know you are doing the best you can!
